Post-Rapture Post

Well, it’s no surprise that I’m still around today, but there are some people – mostly in the USA, I think – who expected to be in a better place today. Will any of them think long and hard about why they’re still here and not there? Will any of them continue listening to Harold Camping after he opens his Bible again and crunches his old numbers in a new way to derive another idiotic prediction? Will any of them wise up to the fact that this lunatic is 0 for 2 for predictive accuracy, and take to heart the adage that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results?

I’d like to think so. Maybe a few of them will. But, I suspect that an awful lot of people are so committed to living their lives for some world other than the one they’ve got that they’ll continue following either Camping or someone like him. What a pathetic state of mind in which to live.

My life isn’t ideal, nor is it easy. But it’s mine. And I’m committed to making it the best life I can with the tools I’ve got. Some people think religious delusions are useful tools for building lives. I’m not one of them. I hope that a few (many) of the people whose dreams of rapture failed yesterday will lock their religious tools in their tool sheds, set fire to them, and join the reality-based community. There’s too much to enjoy in this life to squander it preparing for another one. I hope at least a few more people are ready to try life the faith-free way now.

– the chaplain

 

Tale of a Bureacratic Horse’s Ass

My job in the local office of a business requires that I communicate with corporate headquarters on a regular basis. Believe it or not, I usually manage to play nicely with the other bureaucrats. But there are times…

Below is a slightly edited reconstruction of an email I got from one of my least favorite playmates in my bureaucratic sandbox.

TO: the chaplain
CC: the neighborhood horse’s ass’s boss; the boss of the neighborhood horse’s ass’s boss;
the corporate office department head; the chaplain’s boss; the chaplain’s boss’s boss
FROM: the neighborhood horse’s ass

RE: criminal background check for John Doe

Criminal background checks are not required for cooks. Unless you want to run a check on John Doe anyway.

The photos on the documents you faxed are illegible. Please scan and email them.

Thank you,
the neighborhood horse’s ass

Attachment: scanned copies of illegible faxed documents

It probably did not escape your notice that the neighborhood horse’s ass decided he had to copy nearly every bureaucrat in two states on this matter. My guess is that he was trying to impress them with how seriously he takes his job, how fearlessly he puts morons in their places and reminds them of procedural norms, and how moronic are the people he struggles with on a daily basis. Oh, yes. The horse’s ass is a smart cookie, alright. He dots his i’s and crosses his t’s without fail, and he always minds his p’s and q’s.

There’s just one small problem with his little missive.

He sent it to the wrong moron.

Upon checking the attached documents and ascertaining that

a) I had not hired John Doe to cook or perform any other tasks in my workplace,
b) I had never, to my knowledge, met John Doe, and
c) John Doe had been hired by the Virginia Beach office,

I responded to the horse’s ass. Naturally, since he had sent copies of his reprimand to a multitude, I hit the “reply to all” button and composed my response:

TO: the neighborhood horse’s ass
CC: the neighborhood horse’s ass’s boss; the boss of the neighborhood horse’s ass’s boss;
the corporate office department head; the chaplain’s boss; the chaplain’s boss’s boss
FROM: the chaplain

RE: criminal background check for John Doe

John Doe is not employed here. Try Virginia Beach.

Here’s his response:

TO: the chaplain
CC:
FROM: the neighborhood horse’s ass

RE: criminal background check for John Doe

Oops. My mistake. I sent that email to the wrong person.

Duh, ya think?

I’m sure you noticed that his response was not copied to anyone. When he was the big man showing up the little peon in a local office, he made sure to let everyone above him (and me) know it. When he got his ass handed to him on a golden platter, he did the right thing by apologizing. He also did the wrong thing by not stating his apology as publicly as he stated his reprimand. I shouldn’t have been surprised. What else should one expect from the neighborhood horse’s ass?

– the chaplain

 

Summer Camp Memories…And A Challenge

Some of my happiest childhood memories involve summer camps. Camp was the place where I made friends with kids from other places, went swimming every afternoon, bought candy at the camp store every day, learned goofy songs, performed silly skits by the campfire, and learned to appreciate the natural world. When I was a teen, camp was all of those things, plus smoking contraband cigarettes (or joints) behind the cabins, making out with guys in the woods…I’ll leave it at that.

The downside to my camp experiences was that they were saturated with god-talk. Campers, counselors and other staff members were obligated to sing grace at every meal:

We thank you, Lord, for the world so sweet;
We thank you, Lord, for the food we eat.
We thank you, Lord, for the birds that sing,
We thank you, Lord, for everything.

We attended daily Bible lessons, held cabin devotions every night and attended full-blown church services on Sunday mornings. Camp in my childhood was designed to be a godly affair.

Not all children’s camps are venues of intense indoctrination. A coalition of secularists has organized a camping network called Camp Quest.

The purpose of Camp Quest is to provide children of freethinking parents a residential summer camp dedicated to improving the human condition through rational inquiry, critical and creative thinking, scientific method, self-respect, ethics, competency, democracy, free speech, and the separation of religion and government.

By now, you’re probably saying things like, “Cool!” Or, “I wish I’d had that when I was a kid.” And even, “How can I help?” I’ve got the answer to that question. You can help by donating to Camp Quest via this link. Several atheist bloggers are having a friendly competition to raise money for Camp Quest. PZ Meyers is one team. He and his supporters have already raised more than $5,000.00. The other team is an informal association of bloggers – Greta Christina, Hemant, the Friendly Atheist, Jen at Blag Hag, JT Eberhard, Adam Lee. And me.

I’m honored to have been invited to join Team Underdog Awesome in its two-fold challenge to

a) beat PZ Meyers’ ass and force him to shave his beard, and
b) raise money for a great cause.

I can’t wait to see what PZ’s hiding under all that hair. And I want to help rationalist families. If you want to help too, all you have to do is click here. It’s a great way to start the summer.

– the chaplain

UPDATE! Digital Cuttlefish, master poet of nonbelief, has joined our team! Yea, Team Underdog Awesome!

 

Celebrate a National Day of Reason

Having recently been inundated with emails reminding me that some people declared today a national day of prayer, I was pleased when I received the following note from the Secular Coalition for America:

Secular Americans Praise Rep. Pete Stark’s National Day of Reason Proclamation

Millions Celebrate National Day of Reason Today
To Recognize the Value of Reason in American Life

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Secular groups praised a proclamation Representative Pete Stark (D-CA) entered into the congressional record today recognizing May 5 as the National Day of Reason. The proclamation resulted from collaboration between Representative Stark and the Secular Coalition for America, the leading national lobby for secular Americans.

“Reason and rational thinking have made our country great,” Rep. Stark’s proclamation stated. “The Constitution of the United States of America is based upon the philosophies developed during the historical Age of Reason and the idea that citizens engaging in rational discourse and decision-making can govern themselves. The Constitution also contains a strong separation of church and state, making it clear that government should continue to be built on reason.”

The National Day of Reason has been celebrated since 2003 as a more inclusive alternative to the divisive and congressionally mandated National Day of Prayer. The National Day of Reason, according to Stark’s resolution, “is also about taking time to improve our communities – whether that means holding a blood drive or collecting items for the local food bank. It is also about ensuring that our government represents citizens of all beliefs and backgrounds.”

The entire proclamation can be found here.

“The Secular Coalition for America has a great appreciation for the continued work Representative Stark has done to promote reason and secular values on Capitol Hill,” said Sean Faircloth, executive director of the Secular Coalition for America, who spoke today at a National Day of Reason event on the North Carolina State Capitol grounds in Raleigh. “By encouraging Americans to employ reason and perform good deeds in their community, this proclamation embodies values that all Americans can rally behind – not simply those who pray or believe in a god.”

A listing of National Day of Reason events, as well as more information and statistics, can be found here.

“The National Day of Reason has truly taken off,” said Roy Speckhardt, executive director of the American Humanist Association, an SCA member organization. “Through National Day of Reason activities such as volunteer work, charity events, and open-forum discussions, it’s self-evident that you don’t have to believe in God to be a good person, and you don’t have to adhere to a divisive tradition such as the National Day of Prayer.”

The Secular Coalition for America is a 501(c)4 organization that serves as the national lobby for atheists, humanists, freethinkers, and other nontheistic Americans. Composed of 10 diverse member organizations, SCA works to protect and strengthen the secular character of our government as the best guarantee of freedom for all. For more information, please visit www.secular.org.

I heartily applaud Rep. Stark for poking the Religious Right in the eye on yet another day on which they seek to

a) shove their religion down everyone’s throats, and
b) promulgate their silly Christian Nation myth.

I say, ignore them completely and double the insult them by combining your Day of Reason festivities with some Cinco de Mayo celebrations.

Salute!

– the chaplain