I don’t know whether anyone has fired the opening shots in this year’s installment of the War on Christmas, but I do know that at least one Christian blogger has declared war on Halloween. That’s nothing new. Christians have been declaring war on Halloween for decades. Isn’t it strange that no one at Fox News is upset about it?
I know parents who keep their children home from school every Halloween, or, if Halloween falls on a weekend, on whatever day the schools celebrate the holiday. Their holy, over-protected, living-in-bubbles kids can’t participate in any way in such sin-soaked activities as dressing in costumes (which is a funny position for Salvation Army people to take, when you think about it) and trick-or-treating (again, an odd position for people who, historically, have not been the least bit shy about door-to-door evangelism).
The screen shot below is from the October 17, 2010 post at the blog I linked to above:
The characterization of Halloween as “annual-renewal-of-evil covenant rituals” is amusing. Do murders, kidnappings and other violent crimes peak on or around Halloween? I have no reason to think so, although Halloween fires cause quite a lot of property damage. Here’s another thought: if Christians object to Halloween because of its historical associations, then shouldn’t they also stop celebrating Christmas and Easter?
Right. That will happen when hell freezes over.
As you can see from the screen shot above, some Salvationists think that Bible-thumping is a great alternative to trick-or-treating. If you think kids knocking on your door begging for candy and apples is annoying (I don’t, but some people may), I bet you’ll be thrilled when they knock on your door and share the four spiritual laws with you. If you want my advice for escaping Halloween Bible-thumpers this year, follow these three simple steps:
- When your doorbell rings, peek out your window.
- If you see pint-sized ghosts, goblins, witches and werewolves carrying sacks, it will be safe to open your door.
- If you see people wearing navy blue uniforms and carrying Bibles, turn off the lights and pretend that nobody’s home.
If you follow these steps consistently, you should be able to sit back and enjoy an entertaining, gospel-free Halloween.
– the chaplain
UPDATE: I discovered, via Maureen, that Jack Chick has a series of anti-Halloween tracts that he believes are suitable for handing out to trick-or-treaters. They are divided into age-appropriate categories (little children; older kids and teens) and they all warn kids of the dangers of dying without Jesus and going to hell. Jeez Louise! Is this guy serious? Or is he just laughing all the way to the bank by scaring the hell out of people?
Spanish Inquisitor
October 21, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Leave it to the die-hard Christians to take all the fun out of life.
John_poson26
October 21, 2010 at 7:54 pm
We had some of those type folks come by the house and leave that kind of Christian trash on our front porch years ago, our children put the things into one of the pumpkins and let them burn – and boy, did that pumpkin get bright!
I’ve always wondered just why they don’t have any problems with celebrating the other pagan holidays, including the ones that they stole, but then again, they stole the Christian story from the dozens of other solar messiah’s that man has worshiped at one time or another in the past.
The truth of the matter is these folks are just plain silly!
Great post!!!
the chaplain
October 21, 2010 at 8:01 pm
SI:
In some evangelical circles, no activity or outing is complete without a short preach or, at the very least, a prayer.
John_Poson26:
These folks are very silly. Unfortunately, some of them are also dangerous when they achieve political or social power.
Buffy
October 21, 2010 at 8:20 pm
Why do they scream persecution over the non-existent War on Christmas when they think nothing of engaging in the War on Halloween? Never mind–I know full well why. They’re complete hypocrites.
Moe
October 21, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Although Halloween in America springs from some marginal religious connection, it’s celebrated as an entirely secular night of fun. I think that must be the real problem – remember what they said of the Puritains: they were always terrribly afraid that someone somewhere might be haivng fun.
Frank DN
October 22, 2010 at 6:23 am
Don’t you know all that “evil” stuff is real? It’s all demons. Back in my religious days I wouldn’t let my daughter go out on Halloween because of that. I took her to safe family friendly junk at churches instead. What an idiot I was. This year she’s going out as an 80′s chick and her husband is Freddie Krueger. I still don’t bother because my costume is burned out, depressed dude.
the chaplain
October 22, 2010 at 6:50 pm
Buffy
I see you answered your own question.
Moe:
I think Frank DN offered a good explanation of a fundy point on view re: Halloween. As difficult as it may be to fathom, there actually are Christians who take demons, witchcraft, etc., very literally and deadly seriously.
FrankDN:
Fortunately for me, my parents were never hung up about Halloween. They let me trick-or-treat, wear goofy costumes, the whole bit. And, they welcomed trick-or-treaters to the door and gave them actual sweet treats. I’ve known of some Christians who hand out gospel tracts, along with candy, to trick-or-treaters. Imagine that!
desertscope
October 24, 2010 at 1:41 am
First you start questioning the existence of witches, then of demons, then of the devil himself! Without a cartoonish bad guy (that doesn’t actually do anything that could be considered legitimately “evil”), what the hell is the Holy Babble about?
maureen
October 24, 2010 at 6:09 pm
Being a Pagan for 30 years now I know some of the fundy arguments about how Halloween is supposedly evil. What gets me is that they don’t want children celebrating Halloween in school while at the same time their phony ” war on Christmas” hype they claim Christmas is being censored out of public school.
The sad thing is that in a number of haunted houses and such like the Jaycees make,f or example, they have to deal with the Fundy Christians who sneak in and report any ” violation” ( based on their biased views) of anything they find objectionable in the Halloween project.
I for one would like to start a movement for people to reclaim Halloween from the Fundies and return it to being the fun and censor-free holiday it was when we were kids.
Join the War on Defending Halloween!!!
Ubi Dubium
October 24, 2010 at 6:16 pm
We haven’t had any evangelical door knockers, only some houses with people dropping tracts in our children’s goody bags (blech). But I will be prepared, just in case. I’ll have a few tracts of my own, from the Church of the FSM, ready to go. If they are interested in sharing “faith” , I’ll tell them all about the beer volcano and the stripper factory waiting for them in heaven, and how His Noodliness wants them to be Pirates. I’m rather looking forward to the idea.
the chaplain
October 24, 2010 at 6:30 pm
A beer volcano? Way cool. Are there male strippers as well as females? If so, FSM Heaven sounds like it may be a good place to spend an afterlife.
the chaplain
October 24, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Maureen:
I checked out your War on Halloween post and, following one of your links, discovered that Jack Chick has an entire series of anti-Halloween tracts. That pathetic slob must be afraid of his own shadow! I’m going to head over there now and see what horror stories Jack thinks Christians should encourage little kids to read this year (and, by pure coincidence, he’ll also make a few bucks along the way).
Paul Sunstone
October 31, 2010 at 2:36 pm
The day has come! Halloween has fallen upon us like a hawk on a sparrow! O the persecution of us Good Christians! O the injustice of the holiday! O what martyrs are we!
the chaplain
November 1, 2010 at 10:46 am
Paul:
After all your weeping, wailing, chest-beating and self-flagellation, I hope you made it through the wicked day relatively unscathed. Then again, if martyrdom is what you crave, I take back all of that. I don’t have a hankering for martyrdom and I’m pleased to report that I emerged from Halloween 2010 without blemish, scar or bruise.
Paul Sunstone
November 1, 2010 at 11:10 am
Chaplain:
The day was terrifying! Absolutely terrifying!
I thought I was going to be martyred with all of America’s other good Christians until around 9 yesterday evening when I was shocked to remember than I’m not a Christian and have never been a Christian except for that month in middle school when I converted because the girl I was infatuated with at the time was a Christian. You cannot image how relieved I felt!