Yesterday afternoon, during the TV broadcast of an Olympic hockey game (the Swiss men’s team beat the Norwegian men’s team 5-4 in overtime), a sportscaster told a bizarre story. Actually, the story wasn’t bizarre at all – it was entirely believable in the brutal world of hockey; what was bizarre was the way he told the story, which hovered somewhere between infantile and juvenile. This is what happened.
The TV camera zoomed to a closeup of a Norwegian player wiping blood from his forehead; his head had met the edge of another player’s hockey stick and suffered the predictable – in fact, familiar – consequence of such an encounter. As viewers and sportcasters watched the player’s blood transfer from his head to his handheld towel, a sportscaster reported another injury this same player had suffered in a previous season:
He took a stick to a very rough spot for a male, if you know what I mean. He missed a lot of games because of that injury, and doctors thought, for a while, that they might have to cut away some parts of that rough spot, if you know what I mean.
I shook my head in wonder at the juvenile idiocy of this commentary. The player’s “rough spot” has a name – either his penis or his testicles. I apologize for my lack of specificity, dear readers, but that’s the best I can do at parsing exactly what the commentator was talking about. I can’t help wondering whether talking about this injury, even in such a vague, circuitous fashion, made him blush profusely. What kind of juvenile, puritanical nation are we when adults can’t discuss body parts without resorting to nonsensical euphemisms? Why is it so difficult for so many of us to identify penises, vaginas, breasts, or testicles, as easily as we identify arms, legs, toes and the like? I understand, and expect, that broadcasters will not generally use common terminology (which is sometimes considered to be – and sometimes is, in fact – crude) when discussing medical issues and anatomy. But, can’t they please call body parts by their proper, grown up names? Doing anything less than that makes them sound like juveniles. Moreover, listening to such linguistic nonsense makes the rest of us appear to be similarly juvenile. Worst of all, accepting this nonsense in public discourse makes it easy for all of us to think, as well as speak, like juveniles. We really need to grow up and start talking – and thinking – like adults.
– the chaplain
Teleprompter
February 22, 2010 at 12:37 am
America isn’t a nation of adults. We’re kidding ourselves if we believe that.
What if this guy had said penis or testicle on the air? What would’ve happened?
Of course, he probably could’ve gone a middle route and stuck with “groin” instead of being vague about it. That’s what I usually hear from sportscasters.
But really, you’ve hit on a great point. There are so many issues where Americans aren’t having an adult conversation, I could write my own entry or two about it. Sigh.
desertscope
February 22, 2010 at 1:01 am
The funny thing about the phrase “… if you know what I mean” is that it implies that the speaker assumes the listener knows what he means. If that is the case, then WHY tiptoe around the explicit meaning? In particular, cases like this require MORE words to talk AROUND the story than to tell the story explicitly.
It’s a lot like a woman with a half-dozen kids that faints whenever someone uses the “f-word.”
Lorena
February 22, 2010 at 2:00 am
That’s interesting. I wonder how a Canadian commentator would approach that situation–maybe the deacon knows, since he is a real Canadian.
My hunch is that here they wouldn’t say testicles either, because they’re so proper…they don’t say anything that could remotely offend or make anyone uncomfortable. Perhaps the Canadian commentators would have casually said “his crotch,” and wouldn’t have made a big deal out of it.
Spanish Inquisitor
February 22, 2010 at 9:41 am
It’s déjà vu all over again. Your Fuck post already dealt with this. Taboo words.
I’m reading that book (on my nook). Very good so far.
the chaplain
February 22, 2010 at 10:22 am
Teleprompter:
We seem to mature physically okay, but our intellectual and social growth is often deficient, to put it politely.
desertscope:
“You know what I mean” and “You know” are two of the most annoying phrases in the English language.
Lorena:
A Canadian sportscaster probably would have said “groin” or “crotch,” most likely “groin.”
SI:
Some topics just never die. I think we, our children and our grandchildren will be dealing with “naughty” words for a long time.
ildi
February 22, 2010 at 12:15 pm
Reminds me of the “behind the scenes” episode of “Travels in Europe” with Rick Steves. You can’t get more clean-cut middle-class American than Rick Steves, with his nice wife and two-point-three children… it’s a small crew, and I guess he’s a workaholic, slipping script changes under the hotel door for them to find in the morning. He’s also an information geek, and half the battle they have with him is cutting down the flow of information and upping the visuals. But I digress.
One sad point they made is that there is a boatload of European art they can’t film because it wouldn’t pass the FCC censors.
In related news, there was that teacher in Texas who was fired for taking her students on a pre-approved field trip to the Dallas Museum of Art because one student’s parent complained.
And didn’t the Justice Department drape some nude statues because they made Ashcroft uncomfortable?
Religious belief keeps people mentally and emotionally children in many ways…
mutzali
February 22, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Another rambling story about my sons:
Back when they were in kindergarten, I was called to the office to be told my son needed to “clean up his language”.
I was confused, and asked what he had said.
The 18-year-old teacher’s assistant: “He used an inappropriate word for his private parts.”
Me: “He’s FOUR. He doesn’t know any ‘inapprorriate words.’ What DID he say?”
With much blushing and stammering, she said “We were talking about our pets, and he said somethinga bout his cock.”
Me: “The only work he knows for ‘penis’ is ‘penis’. He was talking about the CHICKENS we’re raising for his grandpa!”
Teacher and principal: “Why would he talk about that part of a chicken?!?!?”
….The really sad part is, when his brother had surgery on an undescended testicle, he got in trouble for using the word “testicle” when explaining his brother’s absence from school.
Spanish Inquisitor
February 22, 2010 at 1:32 pm
LOL!
Wait till he goes to school and tells the teacher about the cocks fucking the hens.
desertscope
February 22, 2010 at 2:48 pm
mutzali:
Sounds like an invite for a punchline with him taking his two chickens to school:
child: “Teacher, could you hold my cock and pullet?”
Larry Wallberg
February 22, 2010 at 3:11 pm
That sportscaster ought to do something to himself … if you know what I mean.
the chaplain
February 22, 2010 at 5:34 pm
ildi:
Fairman said some less-than-complimentary things about the FCC in FUCK. I remember the stories about the Dallas teacher and John Ashcroft. Things like that make me wonder if the USA is beyond hope and help.
mutzali:
I hope your kids survive their education.
SI & desertscope:
I don’t think you would last long in a broadcast booth. Your broadcasts would be hilariously refreshing and your careers would be short-lived.
Larry:
I have no idea what you mean. (Just kidding)
mutzali
February 23, 2010 at 2:03 am
No worries. They turned 24 last week, and now they know ALL the words. My brother took great delight in teaching them words like “flatulant” when they were about five. They still think this story is funny.
PhillyChief
February 23, 2010 at 8:26 pm
He wasn’t referring to the guy’s wallet?
the chaplain
February 23, 2010 at 8:38 pm
Philly:
I know hockey fights can be brutal, but I don’t think they’ve been classified as muggings yet.
cl
February 26, 2010 at 5:29 pm
“juvenile idiocy?”
A bit much, methinks. I can tell you’ve never worked in television! I imagine the guy just didn’t want to ruffle anyone’s feathers. It doesn’t make him juvenile or idiotic.
That said, I agree with you about the inanity of our puritanical culture.