As you’re all aware, Jesus shows up in many unusual places: potato peelings, cheetos, pancakes, candy bars….
Did you know that he expanded his repertoire recently? Yes, chapel-mates, Jesus, alleged son of God (the jury is still out on the paternity question (some say the jury is still out on the did-Jesus-ever-live-at-all question)), has now been spotted in a jar of marmite! The tricky holy dude hid in the lid, but he couldn’t evade the laser-sharp vision of Claire Allen. Claire even had the presence of mind to get her dad to snap a photo before Jesus could melt away. Way to go, Claire and Claire-Dad!
The Allens reported that they are eating the marmite, but saving the lid. Do any of you have any idea what the shelf-life of marmite is? How long will it take for mold to take over the lid and completely obscure the holy son’s visage? Will the lid start to smell raunchy? Will Jesus’ face hold firm or go all runny? What if the family dog (or cat) licks Jesus’ face? So many questions. The more I think about it, the happier I am that no deity has ever appeared to me; there’s no way that I would want to be responsible for preserving a holy relic for the rest of my life. In contrast to me, Claire is quite honored and comforted by Jesus’ presence in her marmite jar – well, more precisely, the jar’s lid. Our perspective is best summed up in Claire’s words:
“People might think I’m nuts, but I like to think it’s Jesus looking out for us.”
As you can see, Claire has spoken succinctly and accurately for both of us. She can continue thinking that Jesus-in-a-Jar is watching over her, and I’ll continue thinking – to put it as politely as possible – that her view of reality needs corrective lenses.
– the chaplain
cl
May 28, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Wow, how original. I’ve never seen posts mocking Christian pareidolia before.
Frank DN
May 28, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Let’s stop being nice. Even when I was a christian there is only one way I would have responded to this.
Claire is an idiot.
There, I said it. I feel better. Do you feel better?
Craig
May 28, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Also, the fact that he appeared in a Marmite jar and not Veggimite obviously means he prefers Brits to Australians.
Take that Aussies!
Orion77
May 28, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Craig,
We’ll see in about six weeks, won’t we?
Craig
May 29, 2009 at 12:17 am
Eh?
Orion77
May 29, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Didn’t realise you were Canadian, I thought you were a taunting Englishman.
The Ashes! (Cricket)
Craig
May 29, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Nope, not a taunting Englishman, just a cheeky Canadian.
ArchangelChuck
May 28, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Looks more like Frank Zappa to me.
ArchangelChuck
May 28, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Addendum: Frank Zappa is Jesus.
omawarisan
May 28, 2009 at 8:53 pm
I can’t find him in anything in my pantry. Does that mean I am not being looked out for?
PhillyChief
May 28, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Frank Zappa is god!
Spanish Inquisitor
May 29, 2009 at 4:38 pm
*Ahem* *Cough*
Was.
Was god. Past tense. He’s dead.
Of course, Clapton’s still around, so I think he’s god.
the chaplain
May 29, 2009 at 4:58 pm
What?!? God’s dead?!? Oh noes!
Clapton’s a pretty good second-stringer though.
Orion77
May 28, 2009 at 9:55 pm
cl,
Mocking Marmite jar lids or the trinity, its all of equally contemptable value and worthy of nothing more!
Digital Dame
May 28, 2009 at 10:21 pm
I do not understand why they instantly think it’s Jesus. I thought it looked like Chuck Negron from Three Dog Night, circa 1971.
And what the hell is Marmite?
Eric Richardville
May 29, 2009 at 3:36 am
LOL. Very funny. I would have totally missed that. More than likely I would have scraped it with my finger and licked it off before seeing the Jesus picture. LOL.
athinkingman
May 29, 2009 at 3:59 am
I love marmite but am afraid to go near the jar now, just in case my new found existential stance proves to be an atheistic delusion!
Sean the Blogonaut
May 29, 2009 at 4:12 am
The Brits need all the help they can get. Divine intervention may be their only hope
(((Billy)))
May 29, 2009 at 6:47 am
Weren’t the Marmites one of the tribes wiped out by by Israelites? Along with the Moabites, Ammonites, Fill-in-the-Blankites and all the rest?
Marmite (and equivalents) are actually quite useful. For weathering models of armoured fighting vehicles. Lay down the base coat and let it dry. Smear some of this shtuff on it and let it dry. Spray another paint over it, let it dry, then use a cloth to take off the paint attached to the Marmite. It leaves a nice effect of peeled paint.
You didn’t actually think anyone ate that crap, did you?
And with the hair and goattee, it looks more like Professor Dumbledore. Or Merlin. To me, anyway.
the chaplain
May 29, 2009 at 8:04 am
Frank:
I’m glad you feel better. I actually don’t think Claire is an idiot. According to the linked news article, her family has been through some tough times recently. Consequently, she may be desperate for consolation, reassurance, hope or something along those lines. Finding any of those things in a jar lid is pathetic.
Craig and Orion:
I’ll let you two (or your respective footy or soccer teams) fight this one out yourselves.
Archangel and Philly:
Frank Zappa’s probably as good a candidate as any of the other contenders for the title.
Omawarison:
Welcome to the ranks of the unchosen and unwatched. There’s always room for one more.
Digital Dame:
I have no idea how Jesus, Mary and the other saints are identified as such in these sightings. As for your marmite question, according to the nearly omniscient Wikipedia, marmite is “a sticky, dark brown paste with a distinctive, powerful flavour, which is extremely salty and savoury with umami qualities, somewhat comparable to soy sauce.” Wiki goes on to say that Bill Bryson described it as “an edible yeast extract with the visual properties of an industrial lubricant.” Sounds yummy!
Eric:
I really have to look more closely at my lids before I scrape them. Who knows how many holy apparitions I’ve scooped up with my chips?
AThinkingMan:
One can never be too careful.
Sean:
You don’t really think the Brits are that hopeless, do you?
(((Billy))):
Dumbledore v. Merlin – that’s a wizard tournament I’d pay to see.
Lorena
May 29, 2009 at 8:22 am
To me, it looks like El Che Guevara
seantheblogonaut
May 29, 2009 at 9:03 am
Chappy,
You haven’t seen the Brits play cricket have you
Postman
May 29, 2009 at 9:44 am
I sent this story to my British brother-in-law yesterday and he asked the question that I think is on all our minds:
“[W]hy is my Marmite tub not that revelational?”
the chaplain
May 29, 2009 at 10:15 am
Lorena:
Maybe we should line up Jesus, Frank and Che and have the audience cast their votes.
Sean:
You nailed me. The only cricket players I’ve seen are some of my neighbors who play on the plaza outside my house. So far, they’ve managed not to break any of my windows, so I’m cool with them.
Postie:
Only the faithful see these things. Did you miss that part of Gawd’s orientation lecture when you were hired?
Postman
May 29, 2009 at 10:40 am
“Orientation lecture”?! It consisted of, “Don’t bother Me, kid. I’m on vacation.”
ChimaeraLaurie
May 29, 2009 at 11:52 am
My husband pointed to a picture of a Cheeto in the newspaper the other day, and said, “Someone thinks THIS looks like Jesus?? I would have just eaten it and missed the opportunity to sell it on eBay.” I said, “Haven’t you ever seen Cheesus before?”
quantum_flux
May 29, 2009 at 1:18 pm
What’s wrong with just taking a picture of the lid and then putting the lid back on the jar? Why waste a perfectly good jar of marmite?
(((Billy)))
May 29, 2009 at 6:23 pm
I think part of your comment is an oxymoron.
Craig
May 29, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Actually I think Marmite can be pretty tasty.
quantum_flux
May 30, 2009 at 12:36 am
I’ve never had marmite before, my statement is merely based on the fact that taste is relative like the last two comments suggests, and that the person who is buying the marmite considers it to be “pretty tasty”.
AphroditeRising
May 29, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Freaking hilarious! Loved this one! You mentioned my cheeto friend, aka Cheesus… I love these things, how people are so desperate to be special in Gods eyes that they see these rorschach jesuses in absolutely anything. Speaking directly to them, of course. ‘CUZ thar so derned speshull. Sorry. I don’t mean to be condescending.
I have a photo that someone took in Medjugorje on a trip with my mother with an “ANGEL” in the sun’s glare.
Who gets to be the most special? Who will up the ante and start carving stimata into their skin?
Great post. Very funny.
Aphrodite
ozatheist
May 30, 2009 at 9:47 pm
I love these things, they always make me laugh when people think it has to be jesus. I can see a face in the marmite, but I can also see a face in the spots on the wall in one of the toilets at work, but I don’t think either are the manifestation of some mythical god.
Postman
June 1, 2009 at 9:53 am
Oh, Oz… Ye of little faith. Look closely at that crapper wall. Squint a little. Hold your breath. Wash down two bottles of ground nutmeg with a pint of gin.
Now does it look like Enki, the masterbatory god of Sumeria?