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Monthly Archives: September 2008

Chaplain’s Counsel

When I checked my blog stats recently, I realized, via the search terms by which you found me, that some of you need the services of a counselor. That epiphany compelled me to launch a new service here at the chapel: Chaplain’s Counsel. Since I don’t have professional (or even amateur) credentials in the counseling field, I’ll offer my services for free. If you like what I have to say this time around and decide to come back for more later, we’ll discuss fees and payment schedules then.

To “god loves you” “see you in hell”:
You appear to be troubled by the inconsistency of these premises that many Christians hold (perhaps in opposite corners) in their minds at the same time. I’m just as perplexed by this phenomenon as you are. The best way to put your mind at ease is to ignore both propositions entirely.

To chloe olivia martin:
I remember writing that Chloe and Olivia were friends, and I also recall that some of my commenters wondered whether their friendship was of a more intimate nature. But neither Chloe nor Olivia was involved with Martin at that time. Have they gotten into a ménage a trois now? If so, why do you want to know about it?  It’s not any of our business, is it? If you don’t mind me saying so, you really need to mind your own beeswax.

To tall cross in Georgia:
Oh, my! Has another one been built down there, too?  I’ve seen them in Illinois, Tennessee and Virginia, but I wasn’t aware that there was one in Georgia too. Thanks for keeping me apprised of the situation. If you’re driving a car when you see one of these, just keep driving by as quickly as possible (within legal speed limits, of course). If you’re flying a plane at low altitudes, pull up when you fly over it.

To bush humor:
This is not an appropriate place for vulgar jokes.

To foto vagina:
Erotic photography is not my specialty. However, if you really need to see a vagina, right this minute, click here.

To dinosaurs will die fun fuck:
That sounds like a very enjoyable exit strategy. Do you have a better suggestion?

To shit happens on Sunday:
You’re right. It also happens every other day of the week. I suggest that you just go with the flow and try not to let it cramp your plans too much.

To beginning babysitters need help:
Oh, dear. I’m not running any babysitting, home economics or parenting classes this semester. Try your local high school or community college. But, whatever else you do, please do not take babysitting lessons from God!

To irreligiosity of prostitution:
Prostitution is an activity that most religions discourage. Some even condemn it. If you’re considering a career in prostitution, I strongly encourage you to find an alternative means of employment. Prostitution is a risky profession for a plethora of legal, social, health, economic and moral (which is not the same as religious) reasons.

To the apostates chapel literal hell:
Well! If that’s the way you feel about this place, don’t let the door bang your ass on your way out.

To -
The buzzer just went off. That means it’s time to wrap up this session of Chaplain’s Counsel. Check in with me frequently; I know you won’t want to miss future sessions.

– the chaplain

 
6 Comments

Posted by on September 27, 2008 in humor

 

Caught On Camera

I captured this photo of an Amish buggy while driving through central Pennsylvania a few weeks ago. Actually, the deacon was driving, which is why I was able to snap the shot.



– the chaplain

 
12 Comments

Posted by on September 27, 2008 in photography

 

Here We Go Again

Oh, for Zeus’s sake! Those right-wing religious idiots never let up. Another creationism in the public schools controversy is brewing in North Carolina:

The Brunswick County school board is looking for a way for creationism to be taught in the classroom side by side with evolution.

“It’s really a disgrace for the state school board to impose evolution on our students without teaching creationism,” county school board member Jimmy Hobbs said at Tuesday’s meeting. “The law says we can’t have Bibles in schools, but we can have evolution, of the atheists.”

Oh, dear. Mr. Jimmy Hobbs has confused atheism with science. It’s easy to see how he would make such an error.  Mr. Hobbs, please be advised that evolution is a scientific theory, atheism is not. Moreover, many religious people, Christians, Jews, Buddhists, etc., have no problem accepting evolution and exercising their religious faiths. Perhaps you’d like to try it. Some say it’s easier than walking and chewing gum at the same time.

When asked by a reporter, his fellow board members all said they were in favor of creationism being taught in the classroom.

Clearly, Hobbs and his fellow board members are all idiots. This is more evidence that it may well be time to dispense with the practice of electing school boards. Instead, we could just let the educated educational professionals do their jobs. Is that a revolutionary idea or what?

The topic came up after county resident Joel Fanti told the board he thought it was unfair for evolution to be taught as fact, saying it should be taught as a theory because there’s no tangible proof it’s true.

“I wasn’t here 2 million years ago,” Fanti said. “If evolution is so slow, why don’t we see anything evolving now?”

Oh, goody, another “evolution is just a theory” proponent. Mr. Fanti, you really need to set aside your Bible for a few minutes a day and read some science instead. Evolution is both theory and fact, and there’s lots of tangible evidence that it’s true. Let me guess: you got a flu vaccine ten years ago, so you don’t intend to get one this year. After all, according to your view, additional flu shots are superfluous because we don’t see anything evolving now.

The board allowed Fanti to speak longer than he was allowed, and at the end of his speech he volunteered to teach creationism and received applause from the audience.

Obviously, the entire town (or, more charitably, the portion of the town represented by those who attended this meeting) is either batshit crazy or abysmally stupid.

When he walked away, school board Chairwoman Shirley Babson took the podium and said another state had tried to teach evolution and creationism together and failed, and that the school system must teach by the law.

“Evolution is taught because that’s what the General Assembly tells us to teach,” Babson said, adding that she doesn’t agree with it, but that students must learn it to graduate.

Damn those pesky laws about what constitutes appropriate curriculum. They really get in the way of teaching superstitions, myths and eternal salvation through Jesus Christ. By the way, Ms. Babson, your personal opinion about the law is completely irrelevant. Stating it added nothing substantive to the discussion. I’ll bet it helped you score a few brownie points with the assembled masses, though.

In 1997, proponents in the N.C. General Assembly tried to amend the law to say that evolution must be taught as a theory and not as a fact in public schools, but that did not pass. Then at the national level in 2005, a federal judge barred the school system in Dover, Pa., from teaching “intelligent design” – which claims organisms must have been created by a higher power and that it’s compatible with evolution – as a violation of the constitutional separation of church and state.

Board attorney Joseph Causey said it might be possible for the board to add creationism to the curriculum if it doesn’t replace the teaching of evolution.

Board attorney Joseph Causey needs to read the details of the Dover decision before dispensing his dreadfully bad advice. In the meantime, the school board should open a search for a more competent attorney before they land their school district into a pile of legal difficulties. In the past, legal difficulties related to teaching creationism and ID have led to financial difficulties for the school districts involved. It’s something they may want to keep in mind.

Schools’ Superintendent Katie McGee said her staff would do research.

Babson said the board must look at the law to see what it says about teaching creationism, but that “if we can do it, I think we ought to do it.”

The issue will continue to be discussed at the board’s committee meetings on Oct. 21.

I’m going to be charitable, for once, and suggest that the superintendent’s promise of further research was merely a salve to the morons in the audience. I suspect she already knows that this line of inquiry is not going to yield the results these idiots want. In the meantime, I’m accepting your bets on whether this matter will be put to rest once and for all, at least for this school district, at next month’s meeting.

– the chaplain

 

Post 9-11 America

I’ve neglected mentioning here that I recently became a regular contributing member of the herd at Another Goddamned Podcast. This week’s podcast, which was published today, was recorded last Thursday, on September 11. In light of the significance of that date, the herd spent some time discussing some of the effects that 9-11 and its aftermath have had on the American political and social landscapes. When you’ve finished reading this post, head over to the podcast site and listen to what the herd said. Then, join the conversation by adding your comments. When you’ve done that, participate in one of our weekly quizzes. And when you’ve done that, cast your vote in our weekly poll.

– the chaplain

**************
(NOTE: The post below was written by the deacon. As he noted in the post, he spent much of his time during and after 9-11 coordinating disaster relief services at the Pentagon. Strangely enough, as I post this article on his behalf today, he is in Texas providing similar services to victims of Hurricane Ike.)

This past week was the seventh anniversary of 9-11. With the dedication of the new memorial at the Pentagon many in the community became reflective. Radio and television stations carried features that drew my thoughts to that day.

Naturally, for many, their thoughts returned to what they were doing on that day cloudless day at the moments the aircrafts impacted the Pentagon and the twin towers, and when each of the towers fell before our eyes. My thoughts returned to rushing back to my office from an appointment, trying to get there by driving down back laneways, traveling down side streets to avoid main roads were choked with people exiting the city, and making two illegal turns. I recall running, between making phone calls, to instruct disaster relief crews where to deploy, and telling them that when they arrived at their station who had been designated as on-site commander. I vividly remember doing lists, on giant sheets of paper, of who had already arrived, who was on the way, and their anticipated arrival times, what they would be doing, and calling individuals on their cell phones to give them instructions as to what routes to take through security checkpoints. I recall appointing one individual at another office to order two giant circus-like tents, along with tables and chairs for 200 people, and asking them to be delivered as soon as possible, as well as what the rental company was to say to the Sergeant at the first checkpoint on the way toward the Pentagon.

I was just reacting without taking time to think through the meaning or significance of the day. I was pleased that the vendors we called took me at my word that I was who I claimed to be, who was my employer and to address the bills to me at my office. When a call came saying the Pentagon and FBI were asking for two semi-loads of ice, I just made it happen without giving it a second thought. It was not until nearly midnight that the significance of the ice request struck home.

The next morning via one of my staff, the chaplain sent down a change of clothing. Exhausted, I finally got out of the office on the afternoon of the twelfth. Before heading home to crash, I went to our incident command center where I was taken to the Pentagon and given a tour of what was happening. As we were walking along, the busy site went quiet. The two naval officers who where my escorts suddenly turned, stood at attention and saluted as the large US flag belonging to the Army band dropped down the side of the Pentagon. Needless to say, that was a deeply moving and humbling moment in my life.

Only days and weeks later did I start to think about the significance of that day and of what I had been an extremely small part. In the following weeks, various interpretations of 9-11 were articulated by religious leaders, political and community leaders, talking heads on television and the general public.

Some, in keeping with the national bent to view every great tragedy as a governmental conspiracy, put forward theories that the attacks were orchestrated by the current federal administration as a means to invade Iraq and engage with the Taliban in Afghanistan.

Some evangelicals and fundamentalists, through the prism of faith, saw the attacks as divine retribution for the nation’s sins. Some of these took that reasoning at step further by defining those national sins as abortion, gay rights, banning prayer from schools and the availability of pornography. Such advocates never stopped to think that they were actually advocating against underlying constitutional principles that have made America a free society. None of them stopped to think that they were attacking the very freedom that grants them to right to gather for worship and to worship as they please.

Most interestingly, I never heard a religious official naming the sins of the church and its leaders. No one dared to point the blame to the church for a string of corrupt financial practices, for covering up sex crimes within their midst and allowing young people to be victimized again and again, for the fleecing of people by the promise that God will grant them miracles of healing if they only believe and send in financial gifts, a church leadership that frequently remains silent when a President or Congressional leader takes an unjust position, and the general lack of spiritual leadership. They could point to problems in the nature and conduct of people outside of the church, but they could not see their own hypocrisy.

Some saw the attacks as Islamic retribution for America’s unjust current and past foreign policies.

Still others blamed an industrial colonialist mentality of American industrial leaders. Others faulted this group or that group, or this position to the point that a list potential sources of blame would likely surpass five dozen.

People, especially those who are religious, seek to explain the 9-11 attacks in more global terms. Such explanations, even if they are clearly illogical, help to explain why God would allow the attacks to occur. Therefore, there has to a just cause and the attacks are some type of divine punishment.

What they fail to see is that that cruelty and vengeance occur all around us and injustice abounds because of self centered beings who are willing to trample upon others to gain their goals. People driven by their own base sinful nature cruelly lashes out at others, sometimes in subtle ways and at other times openly.

The challenge for each of us is in how we respond when confronted by such actions. We must resist passing down our anger from one generation to the next. We should not instill in our children and grandchildren the belief that they are duty bound to seek vengeance for wrongs done to past generations. We should instill in them that they are duty bound to live out their lives peacefully and with love to all.

This does not mean we should remain silent about injustices. Far from it. We must speak out against injustice wherever it is found. We can learn much from Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. regarding social advocacy through non-violent means. We must use the force of persuasive and humble speech, rather than the tools of extremism that forces the wills of the extremists upon others. Let us decry all forms of extremism, which tends to see those who are not like the extremists as the hated enemy, as those whom should be hated simply because they exist.

Also, we must fight the urge for revenge. Its violence consumes lives and turns hearts toward bitterness and hatred. Instead, let us draw toward compassion and love for those who are not like us. Lets us not shun them but be in dialogue with them. Let us get to know each other. One of the many lessons we should draw from 9-11 is that such attacks are never justifiable. Let us work together through non-violent means for a more just and compassionate future for all societies….a work that starts with how we interact with our family members and neighbors.

– the deacon

 
3 Comments

Posted by on September 16, 2008 in humanism, podcast, religion

 

Flight of Frustration

The Flight of Peter Fromm is a tale of one man’s intellectual and spiritual journey from a literalist, fundamentalist Protestant faith to … some other sort of faith.  When the young Peter arrives at the University of Chicago to prepare for a preaching career, he is one of a handful of students who believes in that Old-Time Religion.  You know the kind I mean: tent meeting revivals, holy rolling, speaking in tongues, being slain in the Spirit….  Several years later, Peter’s faith has matured into something less rigid, something more sophisticated and theologically informed.  By now, he’s read Augustine and Aquinas, Luther and Calvin.  He’s dabbled in Catholicism and Communism.  And he’s taken up smoking, drinking and sex.  When the United States is drawn into World War II, he interrupts his education and spends four years in the navy.

When Peter returns to Chicago, he explores the writings of twentieth century theologians: Barth, Niebuhr, Bultmann, Tillich…. Eventually, he questions the life and ministry of Jesus.  Was there actually a man named Jesus?  Was he born of a virgin?  Was he resurrected? These are all good questions.  (Well, I think they are because they’re questions that I asked.)  The one question Peter never seems to ask is the biggest one of all: is there really a God?  In spite of all of the other questions Peter raises, he repeatedly tells his mentor, Homer, that he does not doubt God.  He loses faith in Jesus, but he hangs onto some semblance of the Christian God.  Well, that may not be quite accurate.  Peter’s final image of God may be more deistic than theistic.  As the book closes, I’m not sure whether Peter is a deist or a muddled theist who really just believes in belief.  And, as the book closes, I find myself frustrated with Peter’s inability, or unwillingness, to just let go of the whole god-thing once and for all.

As a nonbeliever who has flown from a fairly conservative evangelicalism through moderate and liberal Christianity through deism to atheism, I’m at a stage in which I simply cannot comprehend how anyone can be satisfied with the liberal Christian mindset.  I can understand deism.  I don’t hold to it myself, but I can understand and accept the concept of some other sort of being that is beyond humankind’s ability to know.  I can also understand evangelical and fundamentalist conservatism.  I know all too well what it’s like to look at the world through that paradigm and to be literally unable to conceive of the possibility that other paradigms exist and work even better than that religious one.  But, I cannot understand how anyone can, like Peter Fromm, accept modern biblical textual criticism, modern historical scholarship, modern science, psychology, sociology, philosophy and political science, and still hang onto anything like the god of the theists.  Why do it?

Is it because churches fulfill needs for community?  Is it because people are uncomfortable with uncertainty?  Is it because belief is a habit that people don’t even think about?  Is it because people fear death and desperately hope for an afterlife?  I don’t know.  What I do know is that I have a lot of difficulty understanding the Peter Fromms of the world, even though there are many of them out there.  I hope that one day they’ll realize that the only thing required to let go of god-faith is faith in themselves.

– the chaplain

 
 
 
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