See You in Hell!

Last week, Spanish Inquisitor wrote a follow up post to a couple of earlier ones in which he had asked Christians to reconcile their belief in God with the Problem of Suffering. One of his Christian respondents said this:

God made you. God made you that you need Him. If you reject Jesus, then you will suffer in that your primary need will not be fulfilled. This state of unfulfillment will last for eternity. This is what we refer to as hell.

The last two sentences in that paragraph summarize a fairly common contemporary conception of hell. After all, the old fire, brimstone and eternal torment idea is not a particularly attractive feature with which to sell one’s religion as the source of love, joy, peace and all of the good things in life. In light of this re-packaging of a truly heinous concept, I have to wonder why the traditional image still gets a lot of airtime in Christian circles. Take a look, for example, at the text of a sign I saw on my way to work this morning, but did not get a chance to photograph (naturally, this appeared just a few days after my last post about all of the boring church signs in my area):

We’ve probably all seen these, or similar, signs at some time:

I can’t help wondering why Christians bother devising such hateful slogans. Are they concerned that the positive points of their religion are not attractive enough, so that it may be necessary, at times, to resort to scaring the hell out of nonbelievers rather than loving us into God’s Kingdom? Do they not realize that such scare tactics only reinforce the already supremely negative image of their “loving” God as a cruel, egomaniacal tyrant? Or, it may be the case that Christians find these threats humorous. Or, the blurbs may make them feel “special” because they belong to the “in” crowd, the right club, the group that’s assured of a place in paradise well away from the rest of us nasty infidels who undoubtedly “deserve” whatever the hell Jehovah has in store for us. It’s also possible that they are so afraid of hell themselves that they will take any measures they believe are required, regardless of how reprehensible said methods may be, to avoid that eternal fate themselves. They may be deathly afraid that, if they don’t work hard enough to Win the World for God, they themselves will be cast into the fiery pit with the rest of us.

Whatever the case may be (and it may be all, some or none of the above), the wrathful sloganeering is not limited to church signs. Oh, no! If you are a true blue, 100% faithful Christian who is not satisfied with posting your threats by the roadside, you can take the eternal battle everywhere you go and wear your colors proudly in one of these fashionable T-Shirts:

Aren’t these shirts just too fabulous? Don’t you just need to run out, right now, and buy a few for yourself, along with some extras for all of your family members? Your family would be a hit at the church picnic, all decked out in matching ensembles that feature these shirts! Can’t you just picture it? The highlight of the picnic would be a contest to choose the most hateful saying. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out what the grand prize would be.

– the chaplain

 

Church Signs

Having spent part of this holiday weekend in central Pennsylvania (where I once lived, decades ago), I’ve concluded that central PA is far more Christian than northern VA. The completely unbiased, totally scientific basis for my conclusion is the relative dearth of interesting church signs in northern VA compared to the wealth of such signs in central PA. The church signs I’ve seen in northern VA are so boring that I’ve frequently bemoaned the fact that they don’t provide any interesting blog material! In contrast, central PA is an atheist blogger’s warped fantasy come true!

The first sign I noticed, which must have been posted by a hip pastor or church secretary, said this:

Isn’t that sweet? God doesn’t answer snail mail, he doesn’t answer phone calls, he doesn’t answer classified ads, he doesn’t answer email…but he answers knee-mail. News flash to all True Believers: he doesn’t answer knee-mail either, so you might as well stand up and use your time in more gratifying and productive ways. Get off your knees, a posture in which you convince yourself that you are doing something for somebody, and go out and actually, you know, do something for somebody.

Here’s another one:

Oh. My. God. Given all the time in my life that I wasted in church services, prayer meetings, etc., I wish this were true. Sadly, I’ve accepted the fact that I squandered an awful lot of my life on meaningless prayer, worship, evangelism, etc. On the other hand, not all of the time I spent in churches was devoted to connecting with God. Much of that time, the time in which real connections were made and time really was well-invested, was devoted to connecting with people. But I’ve also made significant personal connections in non-religious settings and I intend to make many more such connections throughout the rest of my life. Time wasted with God is time wasted. Period. On the other hand, time spent with people is full of fascinating possibilities.

The last one may be the “cutest” (read, most nauseating) one of all:

Isn’t that just too clever? Ah, those crazy Christians and their goofy puns! If Christians believe that “the present” is so important, then why do many of them spend much of their time speculating on the apocalypse and yearning to cross “Jordan’s stormy banks,” so that they can enter “the promised land” where they will “gather with the saints at the river” and be “safe in the arms of Jesus” while he finishes “bringing in the sheaves”?

I actually do believe that the present is important, as is the future. That’s why I am not going to “invest” any of it “spending time” with an imaginary friend in the sky. Besides, all that kneeling is really tough on the knees.

– the chaplain

 

Foto Friday #5

– the chaplain

 

Christian Dependency

My pastor sang a solo just before he preached his sermon this morning. The song he sang, His Strength is Perfect, by Steven Curtis Chapman, is quite popular in North American evangelical circles. This is the chorus (it’s a quick and dirty job, so I simplified the rhythms a bit):

The lyrics are:

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone; he’ll carry us when we can’t carry on.

Raised in his power, the weak become strong; his strength is perfect, his strength is perfect.

It’s based on Philippians 4:13: I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength, a typical “promise” and “encouragement” verse that Christians love to quote. As the pastor sang, I thought about some issues I have with both this verse and the chorus that expands on it.

For one thing, there is no sky-daddy with perfect strength who will replenish us when we are weary and weak. We have to find ways to do that for ourselves and we have to find ways to help those we love re-energize. For another thing, there is no sky-daddy who’s going to “carry us when we can’t carry on.” We, the people who live with, work with and love each other, are the only ones who will carry anybody at anytime. Moreover, the weak never have been and never will be “raised in his power” and made strong. The only way weak people become strong is by utilizing the powers they have, exercising and strengthening them by constant use. They don’t become strong by allowing their abilities to atrophy while magic sky-daddy does all the heavy lifting.

One of the things I find most annoying about Christianity, particularly in its conservative flavors, is the constant call to dependence. Conservative Christians are told incessantly that they are powerless to solve problems or make decisions on their own. They must seek God’s guidance, first of all, through prayer and Bible study. If those means should be insufficient, then they must seek guidance from church leaders and pastors. If, for some unfathomable reason, they choose to consult someone outside of their church circle, then they really, really, really should make sure that the person is a Christian. The last thing one should ever do is think matters through entirely on one’s own (consulting the Holy Book and prostrating oneself in prayer, even when done privately, are not equivalent to thinking independently) and the next-to-last thing one should do is consult with a non-Christian about any serious matter. When prescriptions like these are followed, the end result is a society full of adults who frequently think and behave like children.

Having said all that, I recognize that people often should consult others for advice. Consultation with knowledgeable people and interaction on an adult basis differ greatly from reliance on an invisible sky-daddy. We go into human interactions knowing that the knowledge and powers of the people we consult are imperfect, as are our own knowledge and powers, and we take those imperfections into account as we weigh our advisers’ words. It’s not unusual to get multiple opinions about one matter just so that we will have more and varied information to work with as we deliberate. Careful balancing between dependence on others and independence of thought is what makes us adults, as well as strong leaders and decision makers. Really wise leaders do not want to lead mindless, dependent dolts. They want to inspire those they lead to think decisively and act independently, because the leaders themselves know that they don’t always make the right calls; they know that they are not perfect, nor do they expect their followers to be perfect. What they expect is that those they lead will be able to think and act responsibly.

Humanists don’t try to equal the promises of Paul the Apostle or Steven Curtis Chapman. We know that such promises sound pretty but are meaningless and misleading. What we offer instead are the following:

• to be thoughtful, courteous and supportive of each other
• to offer the best advice, as well as material or physical assistance, within our power
• to respect the rights of all to think, act and believe as independent agents

Our strength, both individually and collectively, is not perfect. But it’s usually pretty good.

– the chaplain

 

Wanna Cuppa Slutbucks?

The Resistance, an organization based in San Diego, is calling on All True Christians to boycott Starbucks. Apparently, Starbucks’ new logo is too sexy for the faithful:

The Resistance’s leader, Mark Dice (formerly known as John Conner – I can’t imagine why he changed his name; does anyone know anything about this wacko?) had this to say about the logo, which:

“has a naked woman on it with her legs spread like a prostitute…Need I say more? It’s extremely poor taste, and the company might as well call themselves Slutbucks.”

Give me a break! What’s really funny about this is that the new logo is a relatively modest rendition of the initial Starbucks logo that emerged in 1971:

Compare the two logos. The new one has a mermaid’s hair flowing over, thereby more or less concealing, the breasts. The original logo has the breasts fully exposed. But, according to Mr. Dice, the new logo is offensive. What’s even funnier is that the familiar green logo is pretty sexy too, a fact that seems to have escaped Mr. Dice’s attention:

I’ll bet a week’s grocery money that the curves in that long, flowing hair are not simply natural curls!

Anyway, Mr. Dice and his colleagues can stay home and play with their boring, squeaky clean, totally unsexy Mr. Coffee machines. I’m gonna head over to Starbucks Slutbucks for a cuppa cocoa.

UPDATE: Shortly after I wrote comment #3 below, I browsed around Dice’s web site some more. One of the features is a video by Babes in Bikinis who promote Dice’s 9/11 theory. Seems a tad hypocritical to me.

– the chaplain