Telephone Call
2008 March 11
When the Deacon called his brother (a Salvation Army officer (pastor)) a few days ago, he had an interesting chat with our sister-in-law (also a Salvation Army officer). Sister-in-law asked about our sons, and, knowing that our eldest is in a serious dating relationship, asked some questions about him and his girlfriend. The conversation went something like this:
SIL: Do you think they’ll be getting married soon?
DEAC: They’re talking about it, but they’re not ready to set a date yet. Her sister is getting married this summer, so they’ll have to wait until after that.
SIL: Who is she? Does she go to The Salvation Army?
DEAC: No, she doesn’t. She’s Catholic.
SIL: (pause) Oh. Well – at least he’s not marrying an atheist.
– the chaplain
If it helps, I’ve been in an equal-and-opposite conversation:
See Standing up for Your (Former) Beliefs
Oh. Well – at least he’s not marrying an atheist.
To which in future, perhaps, Deacon may be comfortable enough to reply:
Well, his father married one, and that didn’t turn out too badly. Also, his mother married one, and I understand that worked out pretty well.
An atheist would be freer to practise birth control and bring up any children with less guilt. Personally I’d always recommend the atheist.
On a slightly more serious point, given what I have been reading about the plight of atheists in the US (i.e. status below that of gays), the remark does feel a bit like suggesting that it might be bad, but it really could have been a lot, lot worse: “She might be Catholic, but at least he is not gay, or EVEN worse!”
“Well – at least he’s not marrying an atheist.”
He should be so lucky… Now, how to get the pope out of the picture?
I would love to know, exactly, what it is people think is so horrible about being an atheist. You’d think atheists eat babies for breakfast and spend our days drowning kittens or something.
This reminds me of when I first met my now wife’s (protestant) family back in 1975. I was introduced to her paternal grandmother who died a few months after the meeting. My wife told me that she was very impressed with me, saying “He’s such a nice boy. Too bad he’s a Catholic.”
She never asked me what my religion was. I wonder if she’d approve of me now?
I personally stopped eating the babies and drowning the kittens. You have any idea how much noise all that makes? I simply couldn’t take it anymore. I now get my babies frozen at Traitor Joe’s. Sure, the flesh isn’t the same as fresh, but you don’t notice any difference in the taste of the soul, only it’s tricky opening the bag because the soul shoots out quick so you gotta be ready.
C.L. – that’s a great story. “At least she’s not a Protestant.” You’d think you were in Ireland or something!
Exterminator: Nice responses.
Thinking Man: Deacon’s family lives in Canada, which tends to be a bit more relaxed about these things than the USA. I’m not surprised by her answer; I would have said something similar back in the day…
Paul: About the Pope – we can only hope.
Lifey: Since the deacon is really allergic to cats, we’ll have to forgo the kitty drownings.
Bear in mind that atheists are a really unknown quantity to conservative Christians, who’ve spent their lives mostly surrounded by other Christians. The idea of actually holding no god-belief is inconceivable to true believers who’ve never not believed. To SIL’s credit, a bit later in the conversation she said something like, “Well, whoever he marries, the family should support them.”
SI: You’re okay for a lapsed Catholic and all.
Philly: I’ll have to check Traitor Joe’s freezer more carefully.
I can relate to this well. There would be some who would say my husband is not “saved” and therefore unsuitable for my liason. I know the bible talks about only marrying your own kind. But then I am realising, sadly, slowly that the bible says many contradictary statements.
I am thinking of one person who had to be converted before marriage. The wife is to be ordained soon. Pity, God has not helped him. His life has been going down the tube ever since as we speak.
Many times, it’s worse to be with the old, identified enemy than some nebulous third group. Particularly if you don’t really believe that third group exists. “I don’t go to church” or “I’m unaffiliated” is much easier to buy than “I am X” when X is the enemy. Note the recent poll where the fastest growing “religious” affiliation was “unaffiliated”…
I’m a little torn. See, to me, the assumption that he even WANTS to get married is nearly as weird as the “at least she’s not atheist”. Of course I can sort of understand why someone who is religious would think marriage is that important, but from american media it seems like marriage is a whole sect on its own. We have a little bit of that in Sweden too – people believing there’s something “special” about getting married, even though in the absence of god it’s really just a legal contract affecting stuff like economy and inheritance.
Ah well. Culture clash! To be fair my own view of marriage is probably heavily influenced by my parents, who got married on my mum’s lunch break (in her lunch room, I think) for purely economical reasons, and who don’t need rings to remember that they’ve been loving and living with this person for 35 years.
Philly,
Don’t you mean SOLE?
Something’s fishy here …
@Felicia – my state (Maryland) has 339 legal rights that come with being married, a $55 license. To get them otherwise costs thousands, you can’t get them all, and you really aren’t guaranteed the ones you can get. For religious people, “marriage” means a church, even though you don’t have to go anywhere near one. But for a religious person to married only by a JP or clerk would be a sin, and depending on the church, he’d be ostracized…